


I'm the one you left behind

by Geotr_2



Series: Surrogate [2]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Abuse, Azula (Avatar) Needs a Hug, Azula (Avatar)-centric, Child Abuse, Hurt No Comfort, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Manipulation, Manipulative Relationship, Ozai (Avatar) Being a Terrible Parent, Ozai (Avatar) is an Asshole, Physical Abuse, Sexual Abuse, Zuko (Avatar) Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-02
Updated: 2020-12-02
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:49:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27840271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Geotr_2/pseuds/Geotr_2
Summary: After Zuko's banishment, Azula only hopes that things with her father will get better.  Of course, that doesn't happen.
Relationships: Azula & Ozai (Avatar), Azula & Ursa (Avatar), Azula & Zuko (Avatar), Azula/Ozai (Avatar), Ozai & Zuko (Avatar), Ursa & Zuko (Avatar)
Series: Surrogate [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2037859
Comments: 8
Kudos: 66





	I'm the one you left behind

**Author's Note:**

> *TRIGGER WARNING* There's abuse afoot! It's more graphic than Zuko's part, but I don't feel that it warrants the explicit rating.
> 
> This is part two to "Surrogate, watch the stars", but you can read it as a standalone. 
> 
> Let's just say Ozai is still a terrible person.

_It was satisfying to see Father actually burn Zuko. For all his threats, I didn't think he'd ever actually do it. I wonder how things will be now. Maybe with that Disappointment finally gone, Father will have a better mood most of the time. I doubt it, though, honestly. He's always been a bit of a hot head. Not super bad - but for sure short-fuse type of guy. I feel a little bad for not going to see Zuko, but it's not like we like each other anyway. Besides, Father would probably b-_

Footsteps.

Azula stopped and shoved the parchment into her desk. She threw herself onto her bed so as to not have to answer any questions about what she was doing. Her father never tolerated rambling or mumbling. He always expected confidence and decisiveness from her; after all, she was the stronger child. _Poor Zuzu could never spit out more than a sentence without sounding weak._ She sighed. What does Father want now? She positioned herself as far from the door as possible, and as far from the edges of the bed as she could. When the door opened she couldn't help but press her back against the bed frame. She hoped her father didn't notice.

"Father?" Azula smiled tentatively as Ozai strode into the room.

"Azula... I'm very proud of you."

 _Well, that had to be good._ "Yes, Father."

"You know that I love you, of course."

Azula frowned. Father rarely said _that_. "Yes, Father."

"You know that you are now the crown princess. I've been saving a special lesson for you ever since the day I decided you should be my heir."

"A lesson? Like a training lesson? Couldn't that wait 'til morning?"

Ozai smirked. "This is a _special_ lesson. It doesn't involve fighting. It is a game of respect."

"A game? But I'm respectful-"

"I know, Azula. That is why I am going to teach you the ultimate lesson in respect."

Azula nodded. She didn't like the sound of that.

"You know that it is important to always respect the people in authority. I have taught you this previously to help you subdue the people beneath you. But for you, I am your only authority."

Azula swallowed thickly. "Yes, Father." She definitely didn't like wherever this was going.

"To play the game, you simply do as I say. Any resistance will be met with a punishment." Ozai called a wisp of fire to his fingertips as he waved a hand through the air. "Do not be afraid; all you need to do is do what I say."

"Okay, so is this like truth-or-dare-"

"No speaking - that would be rule one."

Azula nodded in response.

Ozai said nothing further before he began tugging on the threads of her robe. Azula's head shot up, but she remembered to keep her mouth shut. Something about this felt wrong, and she couldn't help but let her heart beat faster. Before long, she was naked in front of her father, and she _really_ had to resist the urge to say something.

"See? That wasn't so bad. Now just lay back like you're going to sleep."

She complied, although something told her not to. When Ozai brought a hand up to her thigh, she jerked. It tickled, and she didn't like how weird this was.

"You will hold still."

When Azula finally realized where her father intended to touch her, she jerked away again. "Father?"

Ozai grabbed her wrists. "I told you what the punishment was for disobeying me." Before another moment passed, he heated his fingertips until Azula screamed. When he finally let her go, she was a shaking mess.

"Father, I don't like this game," she whined between gasps.

"You must learn to be confident in the face of fear and pain. You must learn to control yourself." He grabbed her wrists again and reheated his fingertips. "You must learn to see through it."

"Why?!"

"Because I said so!"

"AHHHHH!!!"

But the pain didn't stop. It didn't stop when her ears started ringing, or when her vision turned white. It didn't stop when tears coated her face, or when she begged for mercy. It only stopped when she did her best to close her mouth and steady her breathing.

"Stop crying."

She took in a shaking breath and opened her eyes, refusing to let any more tears spill.

"See? That's better." His voice was almost soothing. Azula always marveled at the way his voice could be so threatening one second and so calm the next.

After that, Azula didn't bother to resist. She traced the designs on her bed frame with a finger. They reminded her of some schematics she had seen hanging in the palace. She tried to recall all the details of them. She closed her eyes and forced herself to think of nothing but ships and tanks and weapons - everything she had ever learned about the military. By the time she snapped out of it, her father was gone. She drew in a deep breath and realized she ached. But she refused to think anything of it, and simply drew a robe around herself. She sat at her desk and pulled the parchment back out.

_-e upset about it. He has a thing against disrespectful people. Zuko should have fought. But I knew he wouldn't. He's such a coward. He didn't stand a chance against Father anyway. His burn's definitely gonna leave a mark. I wonder if these will._

Azula inspected her wrists - where there were bright red handprints still hot to the touch. She doubted it would scar. She almost wished it would.

Suddenly very done with writing, she put the sheet on the stack with the others at the back of a drawer. She was beginning to feel sick. Laying back in bed, and then deciding to try the chair in the corner instead when her heart rate sped up again, she couldn't banish the thought that maybe she was just crazy. Maybe what had just happened hadn't happened at all. Maybe she had imagined it somehow. Perhaps it had been just a dream. But then one glance down at her body told her it was real.

Her father had hurt her - seemingly just to do it. What had he said? A game. Yes, it was all a _game_ to him. Azula liked being punished for a real mistake. She liked the feeling of being held accountable for her actions. It, of course, made her better than she would be otherwise. She could justify the burns if she had only _done_ something _wrong_... When her stance was unbalanced, when she ate too fast, when she played too long, when she didn't study... She questioned whether her father had really done it all to make her better. Was it _all_ a game to him? The burns were familiar. They were just a staple of their relationship at this point. But whatever else had just happened was completely new. And she certainly didn't expect it to happen a second time. Or a third. Or for a whole week. Until she didn't keep count anymore. She didn't want to be special like her father said she was. She wanted to go to her room at the end of the day and just _sleep_. Not that she slept well anymore. She never thought she'd miss burns, hits, and constant critiques. But she did. And she'd give anything to go back to that- when Zuko was-

When Zuko was-

Here.

Azula's heart almost stopped.

_Father. Every night. Since. Zuko. Not here. Every night. Very night. Same day. Banishment. Who. Before. Zuko. Father. Oh, Zuko. How long?_

That was her breaking point.

But no sooner had she shed a tear than those dreaded footsteps sounded in the hallway.

So she swallowed the feelings and wiped her face.

She couldn't be weak like Zuko. She had to be strong like her father wanted. She was Azula - the crown princess. She wondered for just a second whether there could have been something else for her in life. Maybe her mother would have loved her if... well, if _something_. She just liked to imagine it. Maybe a hug - perhaps some physical contact that was for the purpose of affection, and not for some power game. Maybe she could have done something to change it. Her father was harsh, but at least he _liked_ her. Why her mother would like Zuko more was beyond her. _At least Zuko is free_. When her father arrived, she bit down on her cheek until a familiar metallic tang flooded her sense of taste. Azula took one final steadying breath and steeled her expression. She refused to be the disappointment her brother was.

**Author's Note:**

> The title is from the song "What Lies Beneath" by Breaking Benjamin. The chorus says "So I'll find what lies beneath your sick twisted smile//As I lie underneath your cold jaded eyes//Now you turn the tide on me 'cause you're so unkind//I will always be here for the rest of my life".


End file.
